Stephanie Y Jolivet i’m a generator. i don’t mean that when the electricity goes out, i burst into life and provide the necessary energy. tho’… that’s a pretty accurate way of putting it ? the fact that a generator is meant as a back up and has a powerful though limited amount of energy may also have a bearing here.
i’m really referring to my “human design”, a sort of intuitive myers briggs test. (look yours up, it’s meaningful.) and because i’m a generator, i can DO a lot. now, should i? hell no! i have a lot of energy too, but i can be left feeling drained if what i’m doing – even if i’m super productive about it – is not filling me with joy, if it’s not what i’m, well, DESIGNED to do.
in a roundabout way, this self-knowledge brings me to the point of this here blog-erino because as a generator i’m super comfortable with DOING.. simply BEING, allowing rather than making happen; receiving rather than going after; well, “being” is a bit askance to my natural tendency. to BE is to listen, deeply listen to the body’s harmonic intuition, something, i confess, i haven’t always prioritized.
so here i am in this moment of mother-parent-francophile-hood – a moment i wanted badly enough to have actually manifested! – a bit out of balance, a bit out of whack, a bit regressive in my behavior. yes, some of that is due to matresence and horomones and lack of sleep and living in a foreign country…
nonetheless, it’s of profound importance to my #tinyhuman, Justin-Thilou to get my sh*t together! to find the BALANCE in the DOING and BEING, that proverbial PB&J sandwich that goes together so well ONLY if there’s enough each of the salty and the sweet.
as i see it, this balance comes in 3 ways: 1) to BE in touch with your HIGHER SELF; 2) to BE in ALIGNMENT (with LOVE); and 3) to BE able to SELF-REGULATE.
BE IN TOUCH WITH YOUR HIGHER SELF
the great thing that i realized in navigating here is that there are things to DO to ALLOW the balance to BE. it’s just we need to be choosy (especially us generators) what those things are.
to be in touch with your higher self is to have a practice of quietude. there is a patience and a trust here, the end result of which we may not always see clearly. fostering this quiet could look like walking in nature. it could look like meditation. it could look like holding crystals or stones. for me, it has been using affirmations and practicing fire rituals especially around the moon in order to be able to reach out when i need help, especially to my partner, Ludo, and intuitive readers for healing (thank you @expandedbeing!).
BE IN ALIGNMENT WITH LOVE
as i’ve mentioned previously LOVE = luxurious open vibrational energy. so how can you literally VIBE with LOVE? do things that bring you JOY regardless of their “value” or “productivity”.
this could look universally like connecting with friends, putting the phone down and enjoying conversation at the dinner table, “indulging” in your favorite food/podcast/movie/place. for me, this has recently taken the form of crochet, DIY body care, and learning French. none of these things may be considered “productive” in the capitalist sense of the word. yet, they all bring me such a deeply grounded sense of joy. and while there is a task-oriented element to all of these things, they each fulfill a different purpose as there is really no time-limit harassing me into completing the tasks.
BE ABLE TO SELF-REGULATE
or if not, be able to ask for help. both are difficult for me. avant le bébé i was able to scream and react and go for long bike rides or workout on the Reformer and get it out in the moment! now, it’s even more important that i get “it” out but not in the presence of le bébé, as Justin-Thilou can only feel energy and not discern that it’s not bent toward him. i want to help give him the tools to be able to self-regulate when he is older, so i need to do better at co-regulating with him now.
because self-regulation happens in the body, movement is key. in fact there are so many ways to quickly (though not always easily) self-regulate our nervous system – BREATHING, BOUNCING, HUMMING, LIFTING and LOWERING our SHOULDERS, TWIRLING our HAIR.
perhaps one would think this may be easy for a mover like me, but, nope, especially when i’m tired. for me, self-regulation lately looks like walking in the sunshine, getting into the studio and rolling around, and teaching weekly classes.
while BEING and DOING are certainly not mutually exclusive, they are not exactly different sides of the same coin either.
in fact everything really points to BEING: being is the sun that all the planets – DOING, FEELING, THINKING, KNOWING – swirl around, orbiting this powerful magnet of our human galaxy. the good news for a generator like me is all the things one can DO here in our physical body and world to BE more energetically aligned.
i’ve done a lot. i’ve felt a lot. i’ve thought a lot. i know a lot. now it’s time to sit back and trust. thanks for being here. i trust that you can find the same balance too, friend.
