There is honor in the time you have spent on this earth. The wisdom that comes with it. The wisdom of gray hair.
Each year as the summer comes to an end my new year begins. I’ve always felt such a connection to my Virgo birthdate. Number 8 was always my favorite, always my lucky number.
I was born on a Friday, at 4 pm on the dot. I was a c-section and I was pulled into this world against my will. I had wrapped myself with the umbilical cord, 3 or 4 times around my neck.
When we go through hard times I like to find a reason. It helps my Virgo mentality give sense and order to things. Sometimes I go through all of the phases and reasons and today I landed back to this original trauma. Birth. Birth into this painful world. Ripped from the safety of the womb and forced to survive the hardship of this greedy, cold world. As a little kid, I used to tell my mom I wished I was never born. This type of deep depression comes into my being in a way I don’t understand. It’s subconscious and it feels like a biological response, just like breathing, just like pulling your hand from the fire, I react to people and their actions, emotions, and energy. I react, I defend, I attract, I am letting my monkey brain rule my world and it’s fucking exhausting. I asked it in the shower last night, “Who are you?” “What do you want” and I felt something very dark. I don’t know if it was me or an entity in the house but it was scary and I shut it down.
Today my pain radiates from the base of my skull and neck. I feel weighed down, lethargic and depressed by the pain in my body. When I try and connect to my body, it’s too painful. I didn’t stretch this morning so it threw my whole day off.
The moon goes into the daylight, it experiences daily cycles around the earth but still waxes and wanes with the sun on a monthly cycle.
It’s okay to not be okay.
This society wants to bandage up any little wound. We must not talk about the catastrophes we’ve inflicted. Defend. Feeling bad? Take meds. Never mind the true root cause. That’s the problem.
Feel your feelings. Deeply. Frequently. Release. Breathe. It’s your connection to the presence of source. Get out of your head for a few moments each day, whenever you remember, breath in the present moment.
As we know many factors can age us. Stress, pain, malnourishment, lack of sleep, lack of moisture, internally or externally. I want to dive deep into the emotions surrounding aging.
I have been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, Premenstrual Dysphoria Disorder, ADHD, Depression… all at different points in my life, by different healthcare professionals. Their solution is always anti-depressants. All of that to say, I have gone through my fair share of stress in this life and my body has taken a toll.
Being an active and informed citizen; while the state of this world crushes me.
Lots and lots of tears.
As a kid, I always wondered what I would look like when I got older. I’ve always wanted to be older and wiser. I thought people would take me more seriously. As I’m aging and feeling the effects of years of anxiety and stress, I am beginning to see a sliver of the reality of this world. I can start to understand the scope of what I don’t know.
What I do know is that I am a sensitive person. And according to Gabor Mate, so is everyone who has ADHD.
I choose to honor this birthday in a sensitive and caring way. Starting with a Kundalini Yoga class to thank my body for carrying me through all those years, and ending with filling it with delicious foods.
I’m sure you’ve noticed the rise in women “going gray” During the pandemic women all over the world were unable to see their hairdressers. So as a result their naturally gray and white hair started growing out. With so many emotions surrounding it. Some are relieved, some embarrassed. Some, like my mom, are just sick and tired of having to always get it done, spending too much money, and way too many hours.
It’s a way for women to take back their power. We’re saying I’ve aged and I am a more complex and beautiful person for it.
And now celebrities are “coming out” so to speak and showing their natural beauty. It’s becoming a trend. I, on the other hand, have always embraced my white hair. They started showing up soon after I graduated high school.
To me, white hair symbolizes wisdom. Hard stressful times. Lessons learned. Knowledge. Authority. Years.
My mom tells me she went almost completely gray after having my brother at 25. When I turned 25 last year, I have bared no children yet but my hair sparkled with white streaks. Whether hereditary or not, I am proud to see my white hairs. I have two new ones right in front of my hair above my forehead. One longer than the other. Both shining in the light. Some people tell me it looks like blonde hair, others don’t believe me when I say I have white hair and some kids think I’m in my 30s. Today I turn 26. Although I’ve been saying I’m 26 for the last two months…
Age is just a number they say. To me, age is an honor and privilege that I will continue to shine through with each new white hair.
Ways I am managing my stress presently.
Long hot showers
Moisturizing lavender scrubs
Supplements supplements supplements;
Vitex Berry (see previous article), vitamin B complex, multi-vitamin, omegas, Calcium & Magnesium, Nootropics (a new addition to help with my ADHD, I’ll write article about that in my next article)
Laying and stretching in my Goddess Cave
Honoring my gut with probiotics, nutritional food, and listening when it tells me something is wrong; usually in the form of a nervous feeling.
Sleeping deeply and aI taking melatonin when I can’t.
Lots of water.
Woman’s tonic to help you age gracefully, appropriate for any stage of your menstrual cycle.
Always check your herbs are grown organically and sourced ethically.
1/2 oz of each;
Black Cohosh – menopause, PMS, Cramps, arthritis, melancholy
Black Haw – Cramps (menstrual, intestinal, and muscular)
Chaste Tree Fruit AKA Vitex Berry – PMS, Breast Tenderness
Dong Quai – PMS, Cramps, Kidney Tonic
Shatavari – PMS, Cramps, Milk production, menopause, indigestion, ulcers
Ashwagandha – Rejuvenating, Anti-inflammatory, Antioxidant
Motherwort – irregular periods, antioxidant, Anti-inflammatory, aid in heart health, can reduce post-partum blood loss
Grind everything together in a coffee grinder, or mortar and pestle.
Pour herbs into a jar, fill with brandy or vodka.
Set in a dark cool spot for 4 weeks.
Strain through a nut milk bag, cheesecloth, or thin clean kitchen towel.
Take 10-15 ml throughout the day. During menstruation, menopause, PMDD flare-ups, teen melancholy, or once a day for a month during stressful times.
P.S. I hope to live to the year 2100. I will be celebrating my 105th birthday.